The Challenge of Being Present
Presence. It’s quite a buzzword recently. The goal seems to always be present. In and of itself, this is a beautiful thing, but it’s actually quite elusive. What does it truly mean to be in the present moment? I’ve realised that when I focus so much on trying to be present while out in the world, it can be more challenging to actually be in the moment. It may allow me the space to tune in to myself, but it’s more challenging to be with myself and others at the same time. Trying to be present can block us from simply being present. Presence seems to be a muscle that we have to put work into strengthening behind the scenes, so that eventually we are able to fall upon it with ease in our daily lives.
The best way I have found to do this is through meditation. When we can practice presence in this internal, focused experience, it becomes easier to slowly and naturally bring it into the rest of our lives.
Meditation can also be a buzzword. A big misconception about meditation is that you must sit in silence, immediately clear your mind and rid all thoughts, otherwise you are doing it wrong. This may be the official end goal but it comes after much practice and time, and still those moments of pure emptiness are few and far between - for most of us at least.
First, we must be able to know what is in our way of achieving that goal. It starts with being comfortable with all of the thoughts and emotions that flood in and beginning to get to know them. We do this by welcoming all that arises for us, with no judgment, and getting curious about it. One of my teachers likes to say that we should welcome all of our emotions into the “guesthouse of awareness.” Seeing them as guests passing by, with something perhaps to tell or teach us, versus permanent pieces of who we are. This allows these at times strong emotions to feel less overwhelming.
Sometimes what arises will surprise us. Daily moments of stillness and silence can be rare and different from the rest of our lives, so we may not know what is hidden underneath the noise. At times, these thoughts and emotions can feel all consuming and demand our full and immediate attention. In those instances I allow myself to delve into what is coming up, sitting with it, feeling its resonance in my body. If it feels less pressing, and I am able, I let it go and return to focusing on my breath.
This method of approaching meditation has felt sacred and important to me. It is a daily meeting with myself.
To make it simple, when you sit down to meditate try out this approach:
Find a, relatively, calm space for yourself. Sit down to meditate - for one minute even - and remind yourself that you can not do it wrong.
Take a deep breath and ground yourself, consciously giving yourself permission to let go of whatever else you have going on in your life.
Ask yourself what is coming up for you right now. Inquire - does this need addressing at this moment or can I come back to it later?
if you can come back to it later, breath and let the thought and/or feeling pass through you and come back to focusing on your breath. See if (when) another thought and feeling arise… repeat.
If it is demanding immediate attention, feel into it. Get curious. Ask yourself why you may feel this way? Where did these thoughts and feelings come from? Is there an action you need to take? For me, sometimes simply welcoming the emotion and allowing myself to fully feel it is all I need to move through it.
It’s easier to be present within yourself first, with no distractions or external influence. Once we have practiced that, we can bring it out into the world with us with more ease. It becomes natural. We notice we may be less reactive, check in with ourselves more first before responding. We may understand our needs better or be able to seek our internal validation and follow our internal guidance versus being swept up in the thoughts and expectations around us.
This is the gift that meditation can give us. It is about allowing, softening, taking it all lightly. It is a true testament to our world today that approaching things in this way is so challenging. But it all begins here, with you choosing to take this time for yourself. From here, so much can unfold for you.
