2022

2022 was a weird year for me. I thought it would be an external year - putting things out into the world, really establishing myself, my business, my community. But it was more so an internal year. Really going inward and clearing everything out, taking stock, recharging, grounding myself in who I truly am. It was a year of realising all I had to still work through in order to be the person I want to be and live the life I want to live. You can’t move forward into the new without laying a strong foundation over the old.

This has been the year of the “RE”s… reflecting, re-analysing, rediscovering, releasing, recommitting…

It has been all too easy for me to feel frustrated for not ending the year where I want to, for not having more figured out or established.

But in actuality, it has been a year of rebirth for me - and you don’t go from infancy to fully established quickly - it is a process. I had to re-ground myself in who I am, re-establish myself in this world, realign my life with my values.

January 2022 I discharged from treatment. When I think about it, it makes sense that this year has held the energy it has. Leaving treatment was the start of me stepping into a whole new phase of my life. Honestly, coming back to life in a way I haven’t in years.

This year has been a process of peeling all the layers of myself back and analysing them. Releasing, re-directing, re-committing. Asking myself - does this still serve me? Is it time to let this go? I talk more about this in last week’s blog, you can find that here.

You know, actually, my biggest achievement this year was slowing down. Resting. Forgiving myself. Softening. Listening to and honouring my needs, or at least slowly learning how to. This year I stopped trying so hard. I let myself fall apart a bit. I let myself be messy and imperfect and did less to fix, change or control it all. I let myself be more seen in my imperfections. It was fucking hard. It continues to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

But also…. this year I found more ease, more freedom, more joy. Not because there was more there, but because I decided to look for it and choose it. Despite the grief and loss and heaviness and fear I felt in my heart this year, often on a daily basis, I was filled with so much joy because I was alive. Because I was finally letting myself feel it all, experience life, be in life, be alive.

Again, it is easy to not even acknowledge these changes. It is easy to skip past them as if they are insignificant and of no impact. But when I stop, slow down, and tune into my heart, as this year has taught me how to, I realise that these lessons I learned are everything. I’m grateful for them, I’m grateful for where I am in this moment and I’m grateful for what the foundation of this past year will allow me to grow into.