Joy and Grief
The other day I mentioned to my friend that I was moving through heartbreak and she said - Wait what did I miss? Who broke your heart?
No, I didn’t have some secret fling she didn’t know about… my heartbreak had nothing to do with a guy or even a person specifically. My heartbreak had to do with … life.
Heartbreak and grief come in so many different packages. It could be grieving an identity, a certain routine, moving homes, a situation not turning out the way you thought it would, war, fights, misunderstandings, coming to terms with a certain reality…
Grief and heartbreak do not only come from the loss of a person or a relationship. Life can break our hearts everyday, in so many different ways. We have to allow ourselves to acknowledge that and fully feel it.
I used to feel I wasn’t worthy of expressing grief because it could not compare to the suffering of others. That only stifled my emotions, kept me stuck in shame and overwhelmed by guilt. We can not compare our grief or heartbreak to anyone else’s - our experience is exactly what it needs to be.
The holidays and this time of year seem to be full of people expressing overwhelming joy, and deep sorrow. That is because the holiday time is full of endings, beginnings, reflections, connections, celebrating, comparing, hoping, dreaming…
Often, our deepest grief and deepest joys are felt at the same time - it’s a part of being alive. And, I think it is why the holiday season can feel so full of LIFE. There are so many opportunities for our hearts to break, and for our hearts to feel full to the brim with joy.
The depth to which you allow yourself to feel grief, is the depth to which you can feel joy.
On the other side of grief is joy, there is always more joy to feel.
It’s the season of embracing our hearts, in whatever form that may take. We can’t avoid the grief, because then we would also avoid true joy.
This is a reminder that you are not alone in your grief. Talk about it, connect with someone over it, don’t isolate yourself.
This is a reminder that there is no shame in your grief. You do not need to compare it to others, judge it or hide it. The grief you feel is meant for you to feel it.
This is a reminder that grief is not something to fear. It can not hurt you, it will not destroy you, you will get through it, there is peace on the other side of embracing your grief.
This is a reminder that joy only leads to more joy. You do not need to avoid it out of fear that it will be taken away from you.
This is a reminder that joy is meant to be shared. Talk about it, connect with someone over it, celebrate yourself and life.
This is a reminder that you are worthy of joy. Joy is meant to be embraced, we are placed on this life to feel joy, you do not need to earn it.
This is your reminder to let yourself feel the depths of your grief and your joy - and every emotion in-between.
This holiday season, I am wishing you the strength to feel and move through all that is breaking your heart, and to embrace your joy with open arms.
