Feeling Our Truths vs. Seeing Our Imperfections

When I place my hands on my yoga mat they are slightly off centered. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, and I can assure you it is not. And yet, for a while I fixated on this fact. It is something one of my yoga teachers pointed out to me daily for weeks. She claimed that any slight imbalance on the mat was an imbalance in the body and something we had to be aware of and correct. 

For years, I internalized this and took it with me even off the mat. Any slight imperfection perceivable to the naked eye showed an imperfection within me that needed to be fixed. I channeled this into many different facets of my life and of course, into my yoga practice. I would obsess about aligning my hands perfectly on my mat, grunting in frustration when I would look down to see that I had unconsciously put them back to their original place. Even when I started to realize that when I did fix them, the alignment in the rest of my body felt off, I needed it to be perfect. I needed to be perfect. 

Time and time again this happened. No matter how many times I fixed myself, my hands would never stay perfectly aligned. Perfectionism. As a double virgo I know the phrase well. What I have realized is that my body is happier when my hands are slightly off centered. My body is not perfect, my body does not want to be perfect, my body is happier when I embrace these imperfections. 

I like to say I am now a recovering perfectionist. I am grateful for the self-awareness and body knowledge this teacher has instilled in me, but I am letting go of the attachment for this to lead to any external improvements. Anatomy and alignment are fun and important, but for me, Yoga is all about how it feels. Yoga is about using the tools to guide you inwards so you know what is a true and best fit for you. Maybe perfectly aligning her hands on the mat felt important and true to my teacher, and she wanted to share that knowledge with me; but it was not my truth. 

Now when I feel my perfectionistic tendencies trying to take control, I pause. I close my eyes, breathe, and allow myself to feel. What feels right? What feels good? I think if we were all to ask ourselves these questions more often, our lives would look a lot different.