Defining Our Version of Balance
It seems that we are officially entering the holiday season.
I can find the energy of this time paradoxical. On the one hand the holidays are calling us to be social, connect, put on our best outfits, go out and be busy. On the other hand, it is winter - a time for hibernation, contemplation and solitude. A time to slow down and check in with our internal world.
So many of us can find ourselves at the end of a long year already burnt out, drained and running on empty, yet pushing ourselves to continue “doing” through the holiday season. Others completely disconnect, isolate and say no to everything. The holidays can make us feel and act in extremes. However, an offering that the holidays and the end of the year bring us is the opportunity to find our version of balance.
The word balance seems to be thrown around everywhere nowadays and, in my opinion, it is often misused. It has become a buzzword and comes with the belief that it looks the same for everyone - that there is an end goal of Balance we are all striving for. In my experience, that is far from true. Not only is balance unique for each individual, it is constantly changing for each of us depending on so many factors. It is important to remind ourselves, especially during this time of year, that our balance may look different than someone else’s - and that is ok. In fact, that is a beautiful thing.
For someone who is completely burnt out or going through a healing period in their life, balance may look like saying no to every event and holiday get together, even with family. For someone else, it may look like pushing themselves to go to every social gathering and say yes to all the opportunities presented to them. For most it likely will show up as something in-between. The beauty is, we each get to decide for ourselves what balance means to us.
The danger is in letting others decide this for you. Looking at other people at the fancy parties and feeling like you should be there. Saying yes to an event just because your family expects you to or because everyone else is going.
Letting others decide for you includes letting your anxiety decide! Your anxiety could tell you you can’t go to the party because you’ll embarrass yourself, or you don’t have the right outfit. Or you have to go because otherwise people will forget about you…
This is when it is time to tune in and strengthen your intuition. Block out the noise, go within, and ask yourself - what is right for you? What is your version of balance during this time, at this moment, in this situation?
For some, it could be helpful to create a list outlining some (flexible) ground rules for the next few months. Perhaps you list your priorities such as events you know you want to go to, situations you know need the most energy from you or places where you can step back and rest. You can include activities or situations that you know have impacted you negatively in the past, or ones that you have missed out on that you have always wanted to go to. It can include reminders of phrases to say when handling difficult conversations, supportive people in your life to turn to, or other activities you can busy yourself with when stepping back from the expected routine. This list can be what you use to navigate this season when it comes to making decisions that are best for you. For others, it may be best to instead check in with yourself consistently in each new situation. Find what works for you.
Remember - you owe no one anything, you owe yourself everything. This is the season to treat yourself with extra love, kindness, compassion, and softness. No judgments, or expectations. You do not have to play by the rules that others have decided for you. You can choose for yourself.
If there is one gift you give yourself this year, let it be the permission to honour what your version of balance looks like in each moment. And remind yourself, your version of balance does not need to make sense to anyone else, and no one else’s balance needs to make sense to you.
We should all work on honouring each others’ versions of balance this holiday season.
