Finding Your Way Back Home

For background knowledge you may want to read the blog post Sharing My Story first….

It happened when I was skateboarding. 

Some friends of mine were teaching me. We would meet up at a cafe and then hit the sun soaked streets of Encinitas. Our joy was infectious. It felt like a taste of the freedom I was seeking. 

At this time I was walking a thin tight rope. On one side of me was a safety net I could easily fall into. Full recovery. On the other was the abyss of my eating disorder. I kept leaning towards the abyss. Quasi recovery. It’s an exhausting place to be and I couldn’t seem to find my way out of it. Then I broke my wrist and the decision was made for me. 

I got too confident on the skateboard that day and decided to stay on the board as a hill approached (it looked deceivingly small). As I started to go faster and faster my fear crept in and I tried to jump off… it didn’t end well. 

Instantly I knew it was bad. I had been relying heavily on exercise to soothe my anxiety and without that I didn’t know how to navigate recovery. 

Something in me shut down. I fell into the abyss.

Some say you have to hit your lowest point before you finally surrender and fully give into healing. I do believe that was my experience, but I share this because that does not have to be everyone’s story.  

Being in this abyss is one of the scariest spaces to be. It can be overwhelming to feel so far away and disconnected from your true self. And when you’re so disconnected from your truth, it can become impossible to hear your intuition. 

But never forget that the answer to your healing is inside of you. Despite what it may seem, you can always find your way back to your centre and there are simple tools that can help you. Even at your lowest of lows these tools can give you a moment of relief, even if just for one second, one breath, one exhale. That relief can provide the insight needed to understand the next step for you to begin moving forward. 

Slowing down and choosing simplicity, stillness can often be the secret answer to beginning this process.

There is nothing simpler than a hand on your heart, a deep breath, bare feet on the earth, a warm cup of tea. 

So today, choose a moment in your day when you can slow down, simplify, and get quiet within yourself. 

Reconnecting to our intuition is a practice that takes time and work. Tools such as breath-work, meditation, and connecting to nature have been crucial part of the work it takes to get there. 

If you’re looking into the abyss, tempted to fall in, remember that there are other options for you to take. There are tools to turn to that can help you begin to reconnect to yourself.

You can always find your way back home to yourself.