Thanksgiving Talk
I have a complex relationship with holidays. I think many of us do.
Especially one’s that tend to involve big family gatherings and are centred around food.
Which is basically the definition of Thanksgiving.
As someone in a recovery from an Eating Disorder, Thanksgiving has become a sticky holiday for me.
Of course there are dynamics for me to navigate around my own relationship with food, but what brings up the most anxiety for me around these situations is how others interact and discuss these topics - food, body image, exercise… most people don’t realise they have a disordered, distorted or diet culture influenced relationship with these topics.
Most of the comments made are innocent -
I don’t usually eat this but today’s different…
Calories don’t count on thanksgiving…
I had a really small breakfast so I saved up for this meal…
I went for a run this morning so it’s fine…
I could go on, easily. But the truth is - these comments are disordered and they are harmful. To everyone. We are all impacted by these beliefs and intaking this information, whether we realise it or not. It is deeply entrenched in our society.
It makes it especially hard when it is common for us to resort to past behaviours and patterns when we are back home with our family. We may feel that we are grounded in our capacity to handle these situations well, only to find ourselves spiraling in the moment. You know what they say - if you think you’ve grown and healed, spend some time with your family.
I am beyond grateful to have an amazing relationship with my family, and still it is hard. Sometimes I have the capacity to use my voice and share what is going on for me, and sometimes I don’t.
So here are some other suggestions -
** Note - this does not only apply to food and body struggles. This can be in reference to any conversation or dynamic that may come up for you with your family.
change the conversation
take a walk
leave the room
use a mindfulness tool - go outside, meditate, breathe
distract yourself - go on social media, read a book, listen to music…
call a friend
Most important things to remember —
Give yourself permission to take space to yourself.
Give yourself permission to show up as the new version of you (I did a recent episode on the podcast all about embracing change, it might be helpful here).
Have grace with yourself if you resort to old patterns or dynamics that you have worked hard to heal.
Have grace with the people around you knowing that things may be coming up for them as well.
Give yourself permission to make new traditions
Prioritise yourself first, no matter what.
And if you are someone alone or lonely on this holiday - I see you and I feel you - I have been there. I hope you give yourself permission to feel all the feelings too and find ways to make this day, and any holiday, what you need.
