Self Care versus Self Harm
Self care looks and feels differently to me now than it used to. It means something different - holds a different weight and significance.
It used to be strict, ritualized, sometimes even performative. I had to be doing ALL the things that all the people were saying to make sure I hit all the boxes and was perfecting my self care rituals.
I see so many others fall into this trap - making self care a form of self harm, punishment or productivity.
And some equate self care with the stereotypical spa days or activities that numb you out.
Or, people avoid self care because —
They think they’re not worthy or that they haven’t earned it.
They think they don’t have the time or they lack the energy.
They’re addicted to their dysregulated states and don’t want to replace chaos with calm.
A lot of people I connect with fall into two camps —
they either don’t make the space for self care and turn to their activation states vs self soothing. Or, they turn self care into self harm tactics.
The common theme between these two is abandoning ourself and what we truly need.
Self care is so individual. What is healthy for one person may be dangerous for another. - As always, it comes back to intuition knowing yourself and being honest.
To me self care is choosing to show up for yourself and your needs no matter what.
Self care can be challenging. It’s usually choosing to take care of yourself when you don’t want to. It’s choosing a new way of behaving, feeling, thinking, when it would be much easier to do what you normally do. It’s saying no when you know it’ll disappoint people and saying yes when you’re terrified.
Self care looks different for everyone and our needs fluctuate at different times.
But above all, it’s choosing yourself. Self care requires getting to know yourself, being able to listen to yourself and be in your body so you can understand your needs and follow through.
Sometimes my self care is hiking, doing my yoga practices and agreeing to do something I’m scared to do. Sometimes my self care is watching tv, eating another snack and saying no to people and opportunities five times in one day.
Each day I check in with myself and try to be honest. Each day I try to show up as the person I’m working towards being. Each day I ask myself —- How can you best take care of yourself today?
